18 JUNE, 2024 – Amy Hoagland
Why is attachment theory cool? Attachment theory is cool because if we choose to make our attachment system healthy, we can become closer to our attachment figures — our parents, spouses, and God.
What is It?
Becoming securely attached requires us to turn to our attachment figures. When we are children, we turn to our parents for help. When we are adults we turn to our spouses and to God. If you want to become closer to your spouse try turning to him or her the next time you get emotionally disorganized. Sharing your feelings shows them that they are important to you and that you trust them with your thoughts and feelings.
You can also work on becoming a secure base for your spouse. If your spouse is emotionally disorganized, and turns to you, you can respond with sensitivity and availability. You can show them that they are safe and they matter to you. I think about this whenever I listen to Sarah Bareillis and Jason Mraz sing “You Matter to Me”. It’s beautiful, go check it out!
Sharing your feelings shows them that they are important to you and that you trust them with your thoughts and feelings.
Why Does it Matter?
As a religious person I find evidence to attachment theory. In the Bible, God asks us to turn to him when we need him. When we turn to him, it allows him a chance to comfort us and give us inspiration to solve problems in our lives. It also strengthens our faith in him when we spend time with his words. I turn to God by reading scriptures, praying and going to church. How do you turn to God?
What Comes Next?
Consider this idea as you work on your relationships on earth. If you are a parent, how can you be a secure base for you child? When attachment moments happen, how can you show your child “you are safe, you matter to me”? If you have a spouse, how can you show him or her that “you are safe, you matter to me”?
Summer time is a time we often spend time with family — holidays, summer BBQs, lake days. I invite you to think about your relationships this summer. How can you show your spouse or child “you are safe, you matter to me”?
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For more help and information check out our Healthy and Happy program on the website https://you.drdenimslade.com/lp-page-6247