15 July, 2024 – Hannah Slade
Our fundamental needs tie in a lot to how we feel in certain situations and in how we interpret different events. These two needs are our self worth and a sense of love and belonging. The way that we interpret self worth is in wondering if we matter and if we matter to the people who are important to us. This question sits in our minds constantly and we can become preoccupied with it if we are uncertain if we do matter.
How Are These Needs Met?
The sense of love and belonging is interpreted in our brains with the question of wondering “am I safe?” and if you are safe with people who should make you feel so.
If we don’t have these 2 primary needs met then we often can feel very unsettled in our lives. The source of a lot of unpleasant feelings and upset that we feel in relationships and situations can be traced back to one of these core needs not being met.
There is actually a very simple solution to meeting these fundamental needs. When we have a secure base as our attachment figure, they give us a safe place to launch from and explore the world. Our brains are not left questioning if we matter or if we are safe. We do matter and we are safe. Most of the yucky feelings that we have can be traced back to our needs of self worth and love and belonging not being fulfilled, and the people who fulfill these needs are our attachment figures.
The sense of love and belonging is interpreted in our brains with the question of wondering “am I safe?”
Who Can Meet These Needs?
These figures can be our parents, a spouse, or God. If you don’t have a secure base then all is not lost. To get your needs met you can draw from other close relationships in your life, like friends and siblings. However, you have to be aware that you are building a patchwork secure base for your attachment system, and be aware of the other attachment obligations of the people in your life. If your friend isn’t there for you because their spouse had a problem, you have to recognize their attachment obligations and turn to someone else to meet your needs.
What Now?
While these are simple principles that can lead us to live a healthier life, they are often difficult to apply. A tempting course of action is to try to do without a secure attachment base and meet these needs by yourself. However, your life is easier and more fulfilling when you can rely on the people around you, and you feel safe with more than just yourself.
Take this quiz to learn your attachment style and to find resources on how to build a healthier and happier life for yourself.
-RESOURCES-
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo.