Earlier this month, we outlined the first two aspects of my Conflict Resolution CPR strategy: “Communication” and “Protect and Preserve Attachment.” This week, I want to talk to you about the final element–the R.
Recieve
The R in Conflict Resolution CPR stands for “Receive.” Unlike the first two parts, “Receive” focuses on the listener rather than the communicator (presenter) by removing all distractions (turning off the TV, putting down your phone, etc.). As the receiver, your job is to help the communicator feel understood–to feel heard! This is not the time to respond…the time will come for you to share your feelings and perspective but now is not that time. This can be especially difficult for some personality types, but that is why Conflict Resolution CPR takes PRACTICE. It takes time to learn how to fight well, so be patient with one another as you both learn.
The Role of the Listener
- Remove your EGO from the equation
- Look at the person and remove all distractions
- LISTEN
- Identify and repeat back the BFW that has been shared with you
- Communicate that how they feel matters to you
Once CPR is complete for the original communicator and that person feels that their perspective is understood, its time to SWITCH ROLES. The receiver becomes the communicator and the communicator becomes the receiver.
the four horsemen
According to John Gottman, there are four things we need to stay away from because they make it extremely difficult to resolve conflict well and are predictors of divorce. The first step in eliminating these horsemen is to recognize them!
TMS HIGHTLIGHT
Why does TMS work when medications and therapy don’t?
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