20 APRIL 2024 – CARY MACARTHUR, MFT
Dating is hard.
Despite the romantic notions that finding our true love should be easy, the reality is Relationships require effort! and a significant portion of that effort should be invested during the dating phase.
It makes sense, then, that if you are looking for a healthy partnership that lasts, becoming somewhat of an expert in dating is crucial!
So, what exactly is the purpose of dating?
The Path to Lasting Connections
Is it to discover your soulmate or true love? Perhaps.
However, finding a long-lasting and truly compatible connection has more depth to it than mere companionship.
And the way we go about it matters. Dating can and should be approached with intention.
It would be wonderful if love unfolded like a fairy tale where attraction leads to love, marriage, and a happily ever after; believing that if we focus on all the things we love about the other person, later we can change their less desirable qualities—or they’ll hopefullly improve over time…
When reality sets in, however, many of us come to realize that this idealized scenario rarely aligns with reality. So, what exactly is left for us to do?
Choose your partner wisely, because you are not choosing you partner only, you are choosing your Future.
-Unknown
Navigating Love & Relationships
Navigating healthy relationships is a science, not a fairy tale. And if you really think about it, that’s exciting, empowering news! It places the control back in your hands.
Think of dating as a filtering process, like a funnel. It’s a process of sifting through a number of potential candidates to find the one you wish to spend your life with.
“Unsuccessful dates,” complete with difficult break ups with past partners is part of the process of successful dating.
So how do you know which one to choose? How do you know the one you who emerges from the filtering process is truly your compatible connection?
The simple answer: begin by understanding what aspects of yourself and your partner are changeable and which are not.
Consider These Four Key Points!
- Understand who you inherently are. Self-awareness is crucial. Recognize your CORE strengths and motivations. What are your preferences, needs, and limitations? Identify what you can evolve within yourself and what is fundamentally unchangeable.
- Get to know the person you are dating. It is essential to understand these aspects of the person you are dating.
- Reflect on your beliefs about yourself in regard to relationships. Do you believe your thoughts and needs are valued by others? Can you rely on others for support?
- Explore the beliefs of your partner about themselves and relationships. Understand their perspectives, values, and behaviors concerning partnerships.
While it may seem like these things are impossible to really know, they are not a mystery! With Dr. Slade’s research on temperament and his and profound insights into attachment theory, understanding the steps to successful dating are both possible and fun!
Happy dating! You’ve got this!