22 NOVEMBER 2023 – AMY HOAGLAND
Are You 'Sucking Mud?'
Sucking mud is a fantastic description of a suffering relationship. It is the sludge at the bottom of a pond. You’ve used up all the water and all that’s left is sludge and mud.
During Dr. Slade’s time as a therapist, he saw hundreds of couples struggling in their relationships. One of the first concepts he teaches is the relationship reservoir. If the relationship reservoir is going well, many of the subsequent marital problems dissipate or make harder situations easier to handle.
A relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. Many celebrate after the first mile, not realizing that the real trials come later. It’s not about how strong you start. It’s about your mental and emotional conditioning to finish the race.
-Tony Gaskins
What is a Relationship Reservoir?
t is symbolic of the status of your marriage relationship. You pour into the reservoir by doing kind things for each other and by doing enjoyable shared experiences. You take from the reservoir when you have disagreements, address conflicts, or lose your cool. You also use your relationship reservoir to solve problems and handle the general bumps and bruises of a marriage and family, thus, it is always being drained.
When your relationship reservoir is full, it is easy to overlook daily irritations. When your relationship is sucking mud, everything seems irritating about your partner. Dr. Slade recommends adding to your reservoir by daily deposits and fillers.
Deposits are anything intentionally done by one person to add to the reservoir such as compliments, small acts of service, or I love you texts.
Fillers are positive shared experiences such as date night, cuddling while watching a movie, or playing a game together.
Find Your Fillers!
Think about your relationship reservoir. What comes up for you? What action could you take today to fill your reservoir?
Happy filling!