30 AUGUST 2023 – EMMA K BAXTER
There are periods in each of our lives when our personal & relationship reservoirs are harder to fill and keep full than others…
I remember one particular evening almost two years ago, I had a two year old under-foot and an 8-month old strapped to my chest so I could make dinner. I’m fairly certain I was in the same clothes as the day before…aaaannd I probably hadn’t showered in a few days.
My baby was crying, our downstairs neighbor was banging on the ceiling with a broom because she could hear us, and my husband was about to walk in the door from work into a house that was not to my standards.
And yet, I couldn’t do anything more.
When my husband walked in the door, I handed the kiddos off to him and went into our room and shut the door. I had NOTHING left to give.
Nothing Left to Give
After about 20 minutes, I resurfaced to talk to my husband Kody about his day, eat, and clean up dinner. We chatted about my day, and I didn’t have much good to report.
I told him that every day was like a scene from the movie ‘Groundhog’s Day.’ It was the same thing OVER. AND. OVER AGAIN.
I didn’t feel like I had time to use the bathroom in peace, much less take care of myself, keep our home at the standards I expected of myself, or spend some alone time with my husband to nurture our relationship.
I cried with him. I told him that it felt like I had a to-do list a mile long and nothing left to give. And I genuinely didn’t know how to fix it.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
-Dr. Denim Slade
Making Something out of Nothing
But right there was my fatal error. I convinced myself that by putting LESS stock into my self care and into my relationships I would be able to get on top of things. In reality, the best thing you can do for yourself in those moments where you feel like you’re running completely on empty is to STOP spinning your wheels and do something just for you. And then do something just for your relationship.
As a young, working mom with kiddos and a husband in graduate school, finding time to fill my personal reservoir hasn’t been easy. And finding time to ‘date’ has been even harder for us! But the stressors of life ebb and flow, even when you can’t see it in the midst of the storms.
I was in the midst of storm back then. And have experienced storms much like it in the months and years since! But it was in the midst of that chaos that I truly took to heart what I had learned from Dr. Slade.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
I wanted to though!
I wanted to power though it and fabricate time, energy, and emotional resources from thin air! But when I learned that it wasn’t ever going to work like that, I found some fillers that worked for that time in my life.
I would spend 5 minutes writing in a journal.
Watch an episode of my favorite show before bed.
Go on an evening walk as a family!
Find some friends who would swap babysitting so Kody and I could go on a date!
I had to find fillers that worked for me in that time of life. My fillers now look a little different and are more involved because I have more time to dedicate to personal & relationship fillers!
Seeing Life in a New Light
I think that many of us really want to be able to give what we don’t have. We want to give our all to our job, our education, our families and friends! But the reality is that you can’t give much good to anything when you don’t have anything good left for yourself. That feeling of ‘Suck’n Mud’ when you’ve got nothing but you’re trying to keep going is exhausting. And it burns you out so quickly!
It look me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to live like that. That I deserved better than that. And so do my husband and my kiddos! But I had to take care of me first! Just like you’re supposed to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else, you need to fill your own reservoir before trying to fill anyone else’s.
Throughout the month of September, we’re going to be discussing the importance of the reservoir and Resource Management on our social media channels and Facebook Group. If you want to learn more, use the links below to join in the discussion!
-RESOURCES-
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We’re excited to see you there 🙂