20 DECEMBER 2023 – DENIM L. SLADE, PHD
As 2023 comes to a close and we look forward to 2024. It is a great time to set some family goals. Parenting effectively is one of the most challenging aspects of family life for most of us, but today I want to talk about a particularly challenging aspects of parenting for Cs.
A False Continuum
Cs typically have to be pretty frustrated and upset in order for them to be willing to hold a boundary firmly.
Cs hate discomfort, and will usually bend in their parenting until they get out of their window of tolerance. At that point, they are usually angry and show up in ways that make them feel bad about it after.
Consequently, Cs tend to think that warmth and boundaries are opposite ends of the same continuum.
“The sign of great parenting is not the child’s behavior. The sign of truly great parenting is the parent’s behavior.”
– Andy Smithson
The Reality
In reality, warmth and boundaries are two different variables. Good parenting – authoritative, parenting – is both high warmth and high boundaries.
Recognizing Multiple Variables
Authoritarian parenting is high expectations and low warmth.
Persuasive parenting is high warmth and low boundaries.
Neither of these parenting styles leads to great outcomes for children.
Understanding and conceptualizing warmth and boundaries as two different variables can help Cs to be able to have the motivation to parent earlier before you get upset and out of your Window Of Tolerance this will help you to parent more effectively, have more positive outcomes in your parenting, and come away from the interactions feeling much better.
What Comes Next?!
To learn more of the nuts and bolts of how to do this take a look at out for the Healthy+Happy Community portal being launched this January, 2024! Be sure to sign up for our newsletter to be the first to know!
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Happy Holidays!